19 Vintage Ads for Insane Products that Don’t Exist Anymore (But Maybe Should …)

1. Grove’s Tasteless Chill Tonic. Makes children and adults as fat as pigs. Must have worked some serious magic because 50 cents was quite pricey back then.

2. Genuine Official U.S. Government Surplus Astronaut Space Suit. Take my money now.

3. Radium radio-active pad to cure neuritis, rheumatism, high blood pressure, constipation, nervous prostration, asthma, heart, liver, kidney and bladder trouble, etc. Seems legit.

4. Body beautiful system 5 minute shaper. Fast measurable results in 3 days. Also seems legit. Let’s not talk about what it actually was probably used for.


5. Col-O-Vin vinyl plastic. I’m not sure what this is, but I think I need it plastered all over my home.

6. Diced Cream. At last, the ice cream industry is going modern! Coming soon to your community. Nuff said!

7. We all know that the rotary telephone has been supplanted by touch-tone phones, cell phones and now the smart phone. But this awesome diagram instruction piece speaks for itself as to how revolutionary and complicated it must have been at first for people!

8. They’re young … they’re in love… they eat LARD. The good ol’ days.

9. Marchant, America’s first calculators, also required a PHD to operate.


10. Mebaral, sedation without sedative daze. I don’t understand what this does exactly, but I think I might need some.

11. Morrell E-Z-Serve Liver Loaf that’s rich in B Vitamins. What happened to the classics that mom used to make?

12. Kaiser Mustache Trainer. Wow. Someone needs to bring this bad boy back to market. I think there’s a large contingent of potential hipster consumers in Portland and Williamsburg, Brooklyn.

13. Dr. Miles’ Nervine to steady nerves. Since I have been taking Nervine nothing bothers me! Take my money now.

14. Swift’s, foremost name in Meats for Babies. Start early with this 100% meat for babies! Ah, they don’t make babies like they used to. No wonder this generation has grown soft and weak.

15. Why can we not get our vitamins from donuts anymore? Why???

16. Exact replica exploding army hand grenade. It actually explodes but don’t worry, it’s completely harmless.
One-time use only.

17. The Health Jolting Chair. It preserves health, cures disease and prolongs life. Suitable for all ages and for “most” physical conditions. I need one for my rec room.

18. Neuralgine the Great Pain Cure. That guy at the top looks miserable and the guy at the bottom has some amazing mutton chops.

19. Vi-Rex Violet Rays. Yes, let me climb into that coffin to build up personality, magnetism and vitality.

See Some Ridiculous Politically Incorrect Vintage Ads by clicking the image below!

chiquita banana boy and girl with girl swallowing banana inappropriate vintage ad

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