Best “Oh wait, you’re not joking” moments


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Best “Oh wait, you’re not joking” moments

1. On a date

  • I went on a date with a guy in high school and he told me that he had astral projected himself into my dreams for the past few weeks to “groom” me sexually for him.
  • A girl I was seeing told me she didn’t believe in dinosaurs. Her issue with dinosaurs wasn’t so much creationist denial as much as it was a belief that they were a marketing scheme companies invented to sell dinosaur toys. Also the toy companies must’ve planted fossils, because how else did they get there? A couple weeks later I got her a dinosaur doll. She got really mad and was like… “That’s what they want!”
  • I dated a girl a few years back. One day we’re chilling at my house, and I ask her if she wants to watch a space documentary. Her response blew me away. She said she “doesn’t believe in space.” She was 100% convinced that the sky was all there was and that space was a huge cover up by the government or something. At first I laughed, then we argued and I couldn’t win because I haven’t been to space to prove it exists. We didn’t see much of each other after that.
  • 2. At the store

  • Worked at a pet food store. A woman came in and asked where to put topical flea medicine on her kids. I laughed way too hard. She complained to my manager, who also laughed.
  • On Wednesday, a customer asked me why our produce section was so empty, especially in terms of stuff like lettuce. I told him that it was because of extreme weather in Spain, where we source most of our stuff from. He cut off my explanation with “why does it matter what’s going on in Spain. We’re in America?”
  • 3. Hanging out

  • I was hanging out with a couple of friends one day. We were just talking and we ended up on the subject of our first time pleasuring ourselves. One of my friend begins his story. First thing he told us was that for the first two months after he started, he did not use his hands. We thought he was joking until he gave us a dead serious look. All of us immediately asked how did he get off with no hands. He described that he would sit down and use his thighs to stimulate himself until he would finish. To this day the saying “look mom! no hands” has a completely different meaning to us.
  • 4. Roommates

  • An old roommate wanted me to start paying more in rent because he was trying to save up to buy himself a house.
  • 5. Coworkers

  • I asked a coworker what his son’s name was, and he answered “Legolas.” After two seconds of laughing, I realized he wasn’t laughing. His son is actually named Legolas.
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