1. Whenever I surreptitiously text someone across the room, I always grow a sketchy mustache and lean back with this same grin, waiting for that text received moment. Even better if what was sent was a you know what.
2. Just when you think the argument is over … just one more thing.
3. When a customer wants to speak to the manager and the manager tells them the exact same thing you did? Classic.
4. So many dogs to pet, so little time.
5. Those gift cards with less than a dollar on them can add up.
6. On my way, just around the corner.
7. Thanks for tolerating me cake for everyone who knows me.
8. LOL I’m ready to hang out now.
9. That koala is me at every party where I only know one person.
10. Life can never be treating me that well. Suspicious…
11. Definitely me after a hard’s day work of crossing #1 off my todo list.
12. People at 25 aren’t what they used to be.
13. I never realized how much like a raccoon I am.
14. Every time I see a dog at a party.
15. A golden retriever rebel without a cause. This canine has shed his good boy image.
16. When all 2 of my friends are busy.
17. Whenever I see a old acquaintance at the grocery store.
18. The world’s oldest cat at 31 sure looks the part.