Fall in love with someone who treats you …

This is What Happens When You Gamble with the IRS

All my life I thought air was free …

Your dinner is in the microwave …

Today has been cancelled …

Sometimes my biggest accomplishment …

I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date. Much more satisfying

My decision making skills closely resemble …

I’d drink flavored tea if …